Neil Armstrong lands on the Moon. He gets out of his spaceship and says:




-This is a little step for human, but big for... Wait, what is it ?




He notices that close to him there's a fire, where three man are sitting. They talk and eat sausages. It turn out that they're from Ukraine, Egypt and Poland.




-What are you doing here - asks Armstrong.




-I was milking a cow and once there was an explosion in Chernobyl, I got there - says the one from Ukraine.




-Me - the one from Egypt says - I was walking on the pyramids and it threw me there.




-And you ? - Armstrong asks guy from Poland.




-Shit, I don't know, I'm coming back from the wedding party.


 


 




Wife and husband, who can't have kids, go to the priest and say:




-Father, what should we do to have kids ?




-Go to the sanctuary and light a candle.




After 9 years, the same priest visits them and instead of parents he meets 10 kids and asks one of them:




-Where are your parents ?




-They went to the sanctuary to extinguish the candle.


 


 




Some French newspaper announced a competition for the best morning's description. First place had an author of such statement: "I get up in the morning, eat a breakfast, have a shower, dress up and drive home".

The last one made me laugh most  <img src="/wp-content/uploads/invision_emoticons/tongue.png" alt="" data-emoticon="" srcset="/wp-content/uploads/invision_emoticons/tongue@2x.png 2x" width="20" height="20">

Its WW2 and poland ask for reinforcements from Lithuania.




Poland: send tanks!




Lithuania: should we send one or both?


 




<img src="/wp-content/uploads/invision_emoticons/biggrin.png" alt="" data-emoticon="" srcset="/wp-content/uploads/invision_emoticons/biggrin@2x.png 2x" width="20" height="20"> it was in my history book.

QuoteIts WW2 and poland ask for reinforcements from Lithuania.

Poland: send tanks!




Lithuania: should we send one or both?


 




<img src="/wp-content/uploads/invision_emoticons/biggrin.png" alt="" data-emoticon="" srcset="/wp-content/uploads/invision_emoticons/biggrin@2x.png 2x" width="20" height="20"> it was in my history book.

 




Nice  

Stirlitz walks through the forest and he sees two little lights in the trees.




-An owl - he thinks.




-You're an owl - Bormann thinks.


 


 




Hitler and his guys are in the operations room and they discuss new operation using the map hanging on the wall. Suddenly, Stirlitz enters the room, brings a plate of oranges, takes photos and leaves.




One Nazi asks another:




-Why won't you arrest him ?




-That makes no sense, he will say that he has just brought oranges.


 

Woman and her husband want to go to the beach. Woman says:




-I'd like people to pay more attention to me, what should I put on ?




Husband:




-Put your skates on  

My wife told me to go to the doctors and get some of those tablets that 'help' get an erection.




You should have seen her face when I came back with diet pills


 




One day, an old guy gets on a bus. Several




minutes later a punk kid with red, green, and




orange hair gets on. The kid notices that the




old man keeps staring at him. "What you




staring at, old man? Ain't you ever done




anything wild in your time?"




"Yeah. I fucked a parrot once. I was




wondering if you were my son?"


 







 




Source https://www.facebook.com/AdultJokes0

Billy was on holiday in America and didn't speak very good English. It was his last day and he was heading to the airport to fly home, but first he needed to buy a few things.




He ends up going to the store and asking the clerk for some "BUM". She sits there and thinks for awhile and then says, "Oh you must mean gum."




Then he goes to the fish store and askes if he could get some "FUCK IT". The fish man thinks and says, "Oh I get it, you must mean Bucket (bucket of fish)"




Billy shakes his head as YES.




Then he makes a trip to the pet store and says, "Could I get a cock and spank it?" The pet store owner says "Oh you must mean Cocker Spaniel."




Billy shakes his head YES.




He finally makes it to the airport where he will be catching his flight.




When he gets there he askes this guy...




"Could you hold my bum and fuck it while I get my cock and spank it"


 


 




There was a virgin that was going out on a date for the first time and




she told her grandmother about it.




Her grandmother says, "Sit here and let me tell you about those young




boys. "He is going to try to kiss you; you are going to like that, but




don't let him do that."




She continued, "He is going to try to feel your breast; you are going




to like that, but don't let him do that. He is going to try to put his




hand between your legs; you are going to like that, but don't let him




do that.




Then the grandmother said, "But, most importantly, he is going to try




to get on top of you and have his way with you. You are going to like




that, but don't let him do that. It will disgrace the family."




With that bit of advice in mind, the granddaughter went on her date




and could not wait to tell her grandmother about it.




The next day she told her grandmother that her date went just as the




old lady said.




She said, "Grandmother, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he




tried, I turned him over, got on top of him and disgraced his family.


 


 




:lol:


 




From https://www.facebook.com/AzzyHassebHaveDirtyMind

Why did Taylor cross the road ?




Cuz she can  :cool:  


 









<div></div>

I don't get it <img src="/wp-content/uploads/invision_emoticons/tongue.png" alt="" data-emoticon="" srcset="/wp-content/uploads/invision_emoticons/tongue@2x.png 2x" width="20" height="20">

<div></div>

I am :lol:


 




But let's not spam <img src="/wp-content/uploads/invision_emoticons/tongue.png" alt="" data-emoticon="" srcset="/wp-content/uploads/invision_emoticons/tongue@2x.png 2x" width="20" height="20">

Srry if i was spamming but it not looks to my like i do  :ohmy:

Quoteit not looks to my like i do  :ohmy:

 




What ?

let it go