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Entertainment Off Topic Re: JOKES TOPIC
#41
:cheer: :lol: :woohoo:
#42
another good jokes:

When NASA first started sending up astronauts, they quickly discovered that ballpoint pens would not work in zero gravity. To combat the problem, NASA scientists spent a decade and $12 billion to develop a pen that writes in zero gravity, upside down, underwater, on almost any surface including glass and at temperatures ranging from below freezing to 300°C.

The Russians used a pencil. :woohoo: :woohoo: :woohoo:


A doctor says to his patient, “I have bad news and worse newsâ€
#43
please read the last 2 posts because i think there are the best jokes here Smile
ok ,new jokes:
A hundred prostitutes in Washington D.C. were
asked if they would ever sleep with President
Clinton. 60% said, 'Never again!'


Teacher: What makes you see?
Bobyjack: My eyes, my nose and my ears.
Teacher: True for the eyes but why for your ears and nose?
Bobyjack: It's to hold my glasses!!!


Teacher:Children nothing is impossible!
A Student:Sir,then take out the tooth paste from the tube and put it back!!!


yo mamaSadhope you like them if not just tell me)

Yo Mamas so stupid she was yelling into the mailbox. We ask her whats she doing and she said, she was sending a voice-mail.
Yo mama is so fat that when she died jesus couldn't lift her soul to heaven.
Yo mama so stupid she stole a free sample.
my idea(not really...):Yo Mama is so slow when she was driving she got a parking ticket.
#44
does anyone read this?....
ok i know that you are reading but just give me a sign.... :cheer: :cheer: :cheer:
#45
Haha, You post the best ones Tongue
#46
johncena1" post=8952":2k360pir Wrote:Haha, You post the best ones Tongue
more jokes :


A woman didn't come home one night. The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
A man didn't come home 1 night. The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friends house. The wife called her husband's 10 best friends. 8 of them confirmed that he had slept over and 2 said he was still there.

Five Important Qualities

1. It's important to have a woman, who helps at home, who cooks from time to time, cleans up and has a job.
2. It's important to have a woman, who can make you laugh.
3. It's important to have a woman, who you can trust and who doesn't lie to you.
4. It's important to have a woman, who is good in bed and who likes to be with you.
5. It's very, very important that these four women do not know each other.
!!!!!i posted this before but maybe you hadn't see it!!!!!


another one a little modified by me :

Two Tennessee Rednecks, Bubba and Jim Bob, are sitting at their favorite bar, drinking beer.
Bubba turns to Jim Bob and says, "You know, I'm tired of going through life without an education. Tomorrow I think I'll go to the Community College, and sign up for some classes."
Jim Bob thinks it's a good idea, and the two leave.
The next day, Bubba goes down to the college and meets the Dean of Admissions, who signs him up for the four basic classes: Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Bubba says. "What's that?" The dean says, "I'll show you. Do you own a weed-eater?" "Yeah." "Then logically speaking, because you own a weed-eater, I think that you would have a yard." "That's true, I do have a yard." "I'm not done, the dean says. "Because you have a yard, I think logically that you would have a house." "Yes, I do have a house." "And because you have a house, I think that you might logically have a family." "I have a family." "I'm not done yet. Because you have a family, then logically you must have a wife." "Yes, I do have a wife." "And because you have a wife, then logic tells me you must be a heterosexual." "I am a heterosexual. That's amazing, you were able to find out all of that because I have a weed-eater." Excited to take the class now, Bubba shakes the Dean's hand and leaves to go meet Jim Bob at the bar.
He tells Jim Bob about his classes, how he is signed up for Math, English, History, and Logic. "Logic?" Jim Bob says, "What's that?" Bubba says, "I'll show you.
Do you have a weed-eater?"
"No."
"Then you're a queer."(homosexual)
#47
LOL I laughed at all of those, but the last one the most Big Grin
#48
johncena1" post=8963":2aoe09d6 Wrote:LOL I laughed at all of those, but the last one the most Big Grin
me too Tongue
#49
new jokes:
:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

A man joins the navy and is shipped out immediately to an aircraft carrier in the middle of the Pacific Ocean. The captain is showing the new recruit around the ship, when the recruit asks the captain what the sailors do to satisfy their urges when they're at sea for so long.

"Let me show you," says the captain.

He takes the recruit down to the rear of the ship where there's a solitary barrel with a hole in it.

"This'll be the best sex you'll ever have. Go ahead and try it, and I'll give you some privacy."

The recruit doesn't quite believe it, but he decides to try it anyway. After he finishes up, the captain returns.

"Wow! That was the best sex I've ever had! I want to do it every day!"

"Fine. You can do it every day except for Thursday."

"Why not Thursday?"

"That's your day in the barrel."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

A guy walking down the street sees a woman with huge breasts and offers her £100 if she lets him bite them.

“No, are you crazy?â€
#50
new jokes friends :

It was the mailman's last day on the job after 35 years of carrying the mail through all kinds of weather to the same neighborhood.
When he arrived at the first house on his route he was greeted by the whole family there, who congratulated him and sent him on his way with a big gift certificate envelope.
At the second house they presented him with a box of fine imported cigars.
The folks at the third house handed him a selection of terrific fishing lures.
At each of the houses along his route, he was met with congratulations, farewells, cards, and gifts of all types and values.
At the final house he was met at the door by a strikingly beautiful young blonde in a revealing negligee. She took him by the hand, gently led him through the door (which she closed behind him), and led him up the stairs to the bedroom where they had a most passionate liaison.
Afterwards, they went downstairs, where she fixed him a giant breakfast: eggs, potatoes, ham, sausage, blueberry waffles, and fresh-squeezed orange juice.
When he was truly satisfied she poured him a cup of steaming coffee. As she was pouring, he noticed a dollar bill sticking out from under the cup's bottom edge.
"All this was just too wonderful for words," he said, ".....but what's the dollar for?"
"Well," she said, "Last night, I told my husband that today would be your last day and that we should do something special for you. I asked him what to give you?"
He said, "...Scr*w him .........give him a dollar."
The blonde then blushed and said, "....But the breakfast was my idea."



A priest and a shepherd from Australia participate in a TV game. After answering all the questions, there is a tie. So both are given one final assignment. It is to write a poem in three minutes, using the word "Timbuktu". It is city in Africa.

The priest returns with the fruit of his inspiration:

"I was a father all my life,
I had no children, had no wife,
I read the bible through and through
on my way to Timbuktu ... "

The poem makes a great impression, and the priest smells a sweet victory. But then comes the shepherd, with his winning masterpiece:

"When Tim and I to Brisbane went
We met three women cheap to rent.
They were three and we were two,
So I booked one and Tim Booked Two ... "



warning d*rty joke :
[spoiler:3sg5nplv]A man and his wife go to their honeymoon hotel for their 25th anniversary.
As the couple reflected on that magical evening 25 years ago, the wife asked the husband, "When you first saw my naked body in front of you, what was going through your mind?"
The husband replied, "All I wanted to do was to f*ck your brains out, and suck your tits dry."
Then, as the wife undressed, she asked, "What are you thinking now?"
He replied, "It looks as if I did a pretty good job."[/spoiler:3sg5nplv]


P.S.:if you haven't read the last pages of this topic you should because i think there are the best jokes especialy the NASA-rusia joke
P.P.S:i ask again....just give me a sign that you read this so i should now if i need to post more or not Tongue :cheer: :cheer:
#51
nice guys,

I just hope I would be able too to write some jokes in english,

but well thinking about it, in some ways anything I write in english is a joke :lol:
#52
ocram" post=9062":1bl89ucj Wrote:nice guys,

I just hope I would be able too to write some jokes in english,

but well thinking about it, in some ways anything I write in english is a joke :lol:
:lol: :lol: :lol:
#53
Haha very good ones Nath
#54
Awesome, please post more if you can :cheer:
#55
Cole Phelps" post=9116":2oq6vrdo Wrote:Awesome, please post more if you can :cheer:
be sure i'll post but i can't right now... Sad
#56
new jokes :

Golfer: "How do you like my game?"
Caddy: "Very good sir, but personally, I prefer golf."

Golfer: "You've got to be the worst caddy in the world."
Caddy: "I don't think so sir. That would be too much of a coincidence."

Golfer: "I'd move heaven and earth to break 100 on this course."
Caddy: "Try heaven, you've already moved most of the earth."

Golfer: "Do you think my game is improving?"
Caddy: "Yes sir, you miss the ball much closer now."

Golfer: "Think I'm going to drown myself in the lake."
Caddy: "I don't think you can keep your head down that long."

hope you understand the jokes above they are funny




Scientists invented a machine to catch thieves.
In 30 minutes in Canada the machine caught 10 thieves, in 15 minutes in the U.S the machine caught 5 thieves, in 3 minutes in Trinidad thieves stole the machine.



A group of 40 year old buddies discuss where they should meet for dinner. Finally it is agreed upon that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen restaurant because the waitress's there have low cut blouses and nice breasts.

10 years later, at 50 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the food there is very good and the wine selection is good also.

10 years later at 60 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because they can eat there in peace and quiet and the restaurant is smoke free.

10 years later, at 70 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because the restaurant is wheel chair accessible and they even have an elevator.

10 years later, at 80 years of age, the group meets again and once again they discuss where they should meet. Finally it is agreed that they should meet at the Gausthof zum Lowen because that would be a great idea because they have never been there before.
#57
LOL very good ones nath
#58
You are a true humorist, Nath :lol: I always look forward to reading jokes you post here :cheer:
#59
linukkis" post=9157":3r442nj1 Wrote:You are a true humorist, Nath :lol: I always look forward to reading jokes you post here :cheer:

Hehe same!
#60
linukkis" post=9157":1m079qi3 Wrote:You are a true humorist, Nath :lol: I always look forward to reading jokes you post here :cheer:

thanks a lot friend and you can tell me Nathan
you motivated me to post new jokes:

warning d*rty joke
A man is riding aimlessly through the desert on a donkey. He is not hungry or thirsty, because he has a bottomless bowl of fruit. He wanders for about a week and eventually gets pretty horny. He gets to the point where he can't stand it anymore.
So he decides to try and have s*x with the donkey.
He drops his pants and positions himself under the donkey. But, to his dismay, the donkey walks away.
Only slightly discouraged, the man decides to try again. He walks to where the donkey is standing, positions himself under the donkey, and right before he goes for it, the donkey walks away again. Now the man is getting frustrated.
As he prepares for his third and final try, he sees a vision. A beautiful, naked woman appears out of nowhere. She approaches the stunned man, who until recently, believed that he was the only person for hundreds of miles.
She smiles at him and says, "I would do anything for that bowl of fruit you have."
"Anything?" he says, getting fairly excited.
"Yes, anything." she replies.
So he says, "Will you hold the donkey?"



Wife: "What are you doing?"
Husband : Nothing.
Wife : "Nothing...? You've been reading our marriage
certificate for an hour."
Husband : "I was looking for the expiration date."


A blond and her husband are lying in bed listening to the next door neighbor's dog. It has been in the backyard barking for hours and hours.
The blond jumps up out of bed and says, "I've had enough of this".
She goes downstairs.
The blond finally comes back up to bed and her husband says, "The dog is still barking,
What have you been doing?"
The blond says, "I put the dog in our backyard, let's see how THEY like it!


A man in a pub asks for a beer.
The barman says, "Sure, that'll be one dollar."
"One dollar?" exclaims the man. Reading the menu, he says, "Could I have steak and chips?"
"Certainly," says the barman, "that'll be two dollars."
"Two dollars?" cries the man. "You're joking. Where's the guy who owns this place?"
The barman says, "Upstairs, with my wife"."
The man says, "What's he doing upstairs with your wife?"
The barman says, "The same thing I'm doing to his business."

another joke i think i posted before but maybe you haven't read it
d*rty joke
Husband always insisted on making love in the dark.
After 20 years wife turns on the light, finds him holding a vibrator.
She goes balistic, "You impotent bas*ard! How could you lie to me all these years?"
Husband looks her straight in the eyes & calmly says, "I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids....."



hope you like them


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